Three Important Keys to Becoming Socially Brilliant:
As a Facial Intelligence™ Expert and Master Coach, I know that the key to success in business and personal relationships is to understand how to expertly connect with others. The purpose of Facial Intelligence™ and other communication tools is to make us more socially brilliant; to make us experts at human connecting in order to achieve the outcomes we desire.
In essence, our role with each other is very simplistic. For each moment we exist, we have specific outcomes in mind – whether those outcomes are conscious, unconscious or both. When the achievement of the outcome involves others in some capacity, the best way to ensure we meet our goal, is to master tools, techniques and concepts that will give us the best shot at influencing the other to help us achieve our goal. We must become as socially brilliant as we can be.
Key Number One: It’s never about you, even when it is about you!
Here’s the thing. People are inherently self-centered. It’s how we are wired. Even when it’s supposed to be about you, it’s never fully just about you. This key is really important to grasp because it is the foundation upon which brilliant connections are made.
So, if you are going for a massage or a root canal, yes, there is a component of relief for you, but there is also a component of service or work or monetary gain for the other person.
Being aware of AND understanding what the position of the other is in the interaction (that is supposed to be about you) will give you the power to make it all more fully, enjoyably and satisfactorily about you.
AND, if it is supposed to be about you and it becomes disproportionately about the other, well then, your awareness of this key will put you in a place of being able to more consciously choose differently.
Here is an example. Not too long ago, I decided to hire a trainer to meet some strength goals that I had. Now, I am not unaware of health and fitness objectives, having been certified as a Level One CrossFit Trainer in the past. However, I thought it was time that I sought some help to motivate me further.
I sat down with a trainer that came highly recommended. She asked what I wanted and what my goals were. I specifically told her that what I wanted was a plan that would help clean up my meal practices and give me a little more definition in some key areas. I specifically told her that the plan I was looking for had to fit into my very full and complicated lifestyle, being an entrepreneur and single mother of four. I wanted to look forward to meals and exercise because I needed to see them both as fun and helpful, not as torture. (Exercise and meal planning just shouldn’t have to feel like torture, should it?)
Well, when I left that initial consult, I felt great. I felt heard and hopeful that this person got me that she would create a program that would add the enjoyment of exercise and healthier meal options back into my busy life.
It turns out; the program she designed wasn’t about me at all. It was highly restrictive, time consuming beyond my current capacity and so disheartening. When I asked her for variety and tweaks, it became all about her. How hard she worked on developing the program, her education, her effort, her struggle, her age, her method.
I found myself apologizing for believing I could actually have a say in my own journey. Watching the narrative play out and knowing Key Number One, gave me the power to say no to this trainer. If I didn’t see how this flip to being disproportionately about her was not the version of improved fitness that I wanted, I would have believed that this was how it had to be, that fitness for me had to be torture and painful and restrictive.
Finding the right trainer, has taught me that it doesn’t have to be that way. Finding someone who it is about her but more about me makes fitness fun again for me.
It is important to see the degrees to which others and we need to be important and significant in any social scenario in order to achieve the outcome we want.
Key Number Two: The Golden Rule is Fatally Flawed!
Building on Key Number One, we come to Key Number Two. I don’t know about you, but as a kid I was always told to “remember the golden rule.”
The Golden Rule states that we should do unto others, as we would like to be done unto. Given all that I’ve studied about human interactions, and in particular, Facial Intelligence™, it is clear to me that the Golden Rule is a nice attempt at kindness and compassion, but it is fatally flawed.
If you think about it, yes, we absolutely do want to treat people a certain way, but is it really the way we want to be treated? Do you want to be treated the way I do? You’re not me.
I love to relax with a good book and a glass of wine at the end of the day. What if you don’t? What if you came home to me and I had that scenario ready for you every night, but all you wanted to do was watch football and have a beer to relax? Would my effort make you happy or disappoint you? I submit it would be the latter.
One important key to social brilliance and true connection with others is to begin to change your mindset around the Golden Rule. It is time to start employing a new rule. One that states: Do unto others, as THEY would like to be done unto!
That’s right. Treat people the way they want to be treated, not the way you want to be treated. Trust me, your outcomes will be very, very different when you reframe the Golden Rule this way.
Key Number Three: Interplanetary Travel is Possible and Necessary!
In Key Number Two we talked about reframing the Golden Rule. Once you do that, though, how do you know how someone else wants to be treated? Sometimes the answer is as simple as asking them, but sometimes there are specific tools you can use to learn how to know them while being less overt in your approach.
I call this form of knowing and connecting Interplanetary Human Travel. You see we all have a personality profile and a fundamental Archetypal nature. Our features and markings reveal to others and us, not only the proportion to which we resemble each of our parents, but also how we will tend to react and the habits of thoughts, emotions and behaviors we will express. We are all our own individual planets of personality.
So if you want to connect better with someone, if you want to employ the upgraded Golden Rule, learn to read and decipher the personality preferences of another from what their face reveals to you. Then you can figure out how to travel to their planet. Step into their world. Understand their view of the situation and how to build resonance and rapport to achieve your desired outcome. If you can expertly and seamlessly travel to their planet, well, then it is that much easier for them to want to travel to yours!
Facial Intelligence™ is the most effective bridge to meaningful and lasting connections with others. The key to becoming a more socially brilliant connector is understanding and mastering the unspoken languages of human interaction, no matter what platform you are on.
To find out more about how you can learn about Facial Intelligence™ and Social Brilliance, visit us here: At Face Valu
At Face Valu
If you spend longer than about 35 seconds in the online business world, you’ll come across at least one expert telling you you need this, that, those and the lifeblood of your first born child in order to succeed.
This article is pretty much me doing exactly that… but with a bit of a difference. Yes, I’ll be sharing the three things that I consider an absolute necessity (both in business and life), but I’ll also be hitting you with all the stuff you don’t need.
Let’s start with the “do” list.
Drive, Determination, Dedication… all the stuff we don’t hear too much about.
You will not build a sustainable online business (or offline business, for that matter) without it.
You need to be able to knuckle down, do the work, and occasionally make a few sacrifices to turn your dream into a reality.
YOU NEED THE SPARKLE.And no, I don’t mean the prancing unicorn/Snapchat filter/face glitter type of sparkle. I mean that thing that makes you interesting.
You need something that sets you apart, a point of difference. The only way to stand out online is to, well, stand out online. And that takes the kind of bravery you need to go against the grain.
Just say something, do something, BE something that isn’t exactly the same as everyone else. Running a business is about more than being “on trend”, it’s about being memorable and authentic..
This could be a signature way of working, it could be an innovatively packaged offer or it could be content infused with personality.
YOU NEED A BULLSHIT FILTER.I think this is the most important one, particularly if you’re not interested in going COMPLETELY INSANE.
You need to be able to wade through everyone else’s marketing messages and not just assume they’re truth. By all means, soak in content and training offered by people who know what they’re talking about, but exercise some independent thought at the same time.
Be the objective, intelligent individual that you are. Take on the tips then test and tweak. If they work, aces! If they don’t, discard. Nobody has the one-size-fits-all solution for every problem you’ve ever had – no matter what they say.
So those are things you NEED to rock your online business. Ready to read about the things you don’t need to get started and go, go, go?
Leave me a comment with something you would add to the "what you need" and "what you don't need" lists!
Thank-you for joining us, take a moment to scroll through and check out some great articles!!
Women Network differently men. Women connect and network on multiple levels including; children, family, business challenges, work life balance, etc. Most often than not, Women like to see other women succeed. There is still an acknowledgment of competitors although, with the preference of collaboration over competition. As women, we definitely do business with those we know, like and trust.
There is a variety of reasons that Women in Business attend networking events. There are those that they learn from, those that they enjoy social time with friends and like-minded women and those for more “Mastermind” Style networking; all of which are great reasons. To attract more success in business, you don’t have to network more; you just have to network more intentionally. This means becoming more focused, engaging, trusted, and memorable. Not necessarily with more people, but with the people that you trust, support and align with your intention/goals. Here are some ideas for Networking Success;
1. Know yourself. This is extremely important. This involves knowing your strengths, weaknesses, beliefs, passions, preferences, and traits. Being authentic is key!!!
2. Know what you want. If you are vague or unsure of your vision, intention, and goals, then you are likely drifting along. Clarity and focus go a long way to helping you become more memorable.
3. Be Intentional. If you know the list of attendees or have an idea of who will be attending a certain event, come up with at least 2 people that would like to speak to in a more in depth manner and choose to connect with them at the event.
4. Focus on Quality Connections. Rather than adding more new people to your network, invest some time identifying your most valuable connections; the ones who not only bring you referrals and opportunities, but also provide you with valuable insights, information, and support. Don’t forget the person/people that helped you get connected in the first place and support them back.
5. Focus on Quality Networking. Take a look at all your networking meetings, events, etc. Make a list of them and put them in categories of Connecting, Learning and Social. It’s okay to go to multiple networking meetings, just know which ones are for fun, which ones help you build skills to build your business and which ones are for connections.
6. Give First. Show genuine interest in other people by being the first to say hello, offering a professional handshake, and engaging in friendly conversation. Ask questions that show interest. Then take the time to actively listen to what others have to say.
By Tracee Sheldrake
But, what is success?
We all want success right? But, what is success?
We live in a world that believes that success is measured by money, by the material things that we have, but the reality is that success should be measured by what each one of us wants.
If I was to measure myself based on what my competitors are doing, then I guess I am not doing a very good job of reaching success because I don’t make the money that the top social media people make. I don’t have the following of the masses that allows me to launch a new program and sell 10,000 of them in one day.
BUT for me, that is NOT success. Success for me is being able to live a good life, to provide for my family, to be able to travel, to live, to be recognized by those who have built relationships with me, to be referred by people who believe in what I have to offer.
To reach the dollar value that is expected by society, is not something that I feel I can reach because of the current world we live in. Let me explain. We are now living in a technology world, social media world, and I don’t have the thousands of dollars to invest each month into getting my name out there. I don’t have the money to invest in Google to push me to the top. I don’t have the money to invest in Social Media Ads that are going to reach the masses. I can afford to invest my time in building relationships online, in person through networking and in smaller Ads to reach a minimal number of people. This means that if I can’t reach the masses then how can I become someone like a Tony Robbins?
My success is because of those who follow me, trust me, refer me, who purchase my products/services because they know that I provide valuable content, that I teach them how they can work towards success at a level they can achieve. I don’t sell the possibility of bringing you to success of making more than a 6 figure income, I sell the reality that for us small business owners, we achieve the success that we can achieve.
I know that my content is valuable and I know that I can help others, but reaching and selling that to the masses is not an easy task because they don’t know me, they haven’t met me, they haven’t learned from me, they haven’t been referred to me. I am grateful for those who continue to support me and believe in what I can help them with.
So remember, determine what your level of success is. Stop comparing yourself to your competitors, and bring the value, the relationship, the honesty, the trust, to your market. I know that you can achieve success based on what you want to achieve.